Tanner Vendetta
by GogoYubari69
Summary: When Joey's double life his exposed, he terminates the enemies with extreme predjudice. Dark comedy, really sick, you've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Thank god I have nothing to do with this piece of shit show. All cultural refrences thereof do not belong to me It'll get funnier, I promise. It's intentionally skippy.

During a particularly rainy evening, when all the Tanners were in the quaint San Fransico home, a deep, dark act was being committed behind an innocent-looking closed door. A girl was bound in straps, praying for her death. The rough leather scraped against the wounds from where her protests had earned her countless lashings. It had been awhile since the seemingly harmless radio personality shoved her in his car, threw her in his closet, and ravished her. For the last few days or so, she'd been locked in a small closet with only the company of various stuffed animals. One of these became her sworn mortal enemy.

The twisted soul had tilted her so she was facing HIM. The goddamn WOODCHUCK. He'd always talk to her through it. If she refused to speak to him, Master Gladstone brought out the silver hammer, and her asshole bled for hours afterwards. She hated the puppet with the fury of a thousand suns. If her internal clock was right, her "master" would be home soon. Sure enough, he just pulled up at the Tanner home. He merrily whistled as he turned his key into the door, for he knew one of his dolls would need her beating.

He stepped onto the shining linoleum floor, just in time to see a rather pissed-off Danny.

"Joey, I'd appreciate it if you'd just walk on Michelle's carpet"

WHAT LUCK! Did Joey hear him right? Was he giving him an open invitation to trample the sexiest little girl's alive virgin kitty?

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?" Joey spoke with venom, afraid Danny was catching on. Danny pointed to Michelle, sitting on her personal little rug, alotted for the princess of the Tanner home. "Hi Joey" his angel spoke. She was loudly trying to blow bubbles with her chewing gum. "Hi Michelle..." Joey said, his voice dripping with a wild lust and dissapointment. He stared in desire at her nimble 4th grade tounge, working at the gum with such dexterity. Joey shook his head. Michelle probably didn't HAVE carpet. Suddenly, he was struck by a wonderful idea.....

Build a merkin for his beauty.

He chuckled at his own genius. He walked to his radio partner's room, where two beautiful twin dolls were. But who should greet him than the charming Rebecca, smacking her bitch Jesse up, for not eating her delicious pussy to her liking. "Oh! Hello Joey." she said in her sexy voice. "Is this a bad time?" She turned around, wearing nothing but a vinyl teddy and thigh high stilletto boots, whip in hand. Joey sneered. "Cheap whore" he thought. "Spreading her legs for the masses." when her and Jesse had just started going out, he had tried to tame her, but she was too witty to be captured. He didn't think she knew of his intentions though. Joey swallowed back hatred, and replied "I'm coming up to tell Nicky & Alex goodnight." He walked into the twin's bedroom. He took out his scissors, and walked up to the sleeping Alex.

He clipped a great deal of hair, making sure he didn't loose a strand. This would lie upon his angel's pussy in the form of a wig he had crafted himself. He had some paranoia, he felt as if he was being watched. But he continued cutting off the flaxen locks. A quick scrunch dry, and it would be so befitting for her. As he flipped Alex over, he couldn't help but notice his own raging boner. No one was looking, he could reach into his pocket, take out his whip, and give Alex's ass a quick smack. He reached into his back pocket, only to find nothing.

"Looking for this?" a sexy voice replied. He whipped around, only to see Rebecca with HIS whip! "Bitch. You've wanted to stick it in to my babies since they were born. I think it's about time for this to end." All of a sudden, she released a bloodcurdling scream. "JOEY'S RAPPING THE TWINS!" She flashed him an evil grin. The entire family had arrived, ready to take him down. Joey drew in a deep breath. He knew this day would come.

He whipped out his keys. "Program activate!" he screamed into them. Every door in the house was locked, and all the windows were barred. He braced himself. He'd have to eliminate each one..........


	2. Most Extreme Elimination

Joey sucked the air through his teeth. He looked around at the mob, ready to attack him. He kicked in a bathroom floor tile, and proceeded to crawl down the subterrianian tunnel system he had built when he had moved in. He did have some regrets even though it was inevitable. This place was an absolute Valhalla for him. Little girls with sexy friends that he was more than willing to be their Master. Each Tanner daughter was special in her own way.

The eldest and hardest to tame was DJ. She most definitely wasn't his first choice, but he'd settle for a fatass when push came to shove. He did have to admit there were certain perks to her lardy phsyique. The intoxicating sound that her lumpy thighs made as they rubbed together. That special feeling when he rubbed the fine, goose-down like hairs that covered her saggy teats. Another thing about those teats, he could hide a candy bar in one, go, come back, and she'd be trying to eat her own titties to get it. He could grab those love handles to use as reins when he rode her across her room. She'd gotten herself a boyfriend too, but Joey quickly exterminated the competition when he revealed what everyone knew deep down: The only reason they dated was because Steve liked his wang masturbated when he stuck it between her rolls.

Of course, he couldn't forget Stephanie. The akwardness of being a middle child really made her open to his advances. She was on a completely different spectrum than DJ. Stephanie had a great body. He could play a tune with a coatrack on her gaunt ribs. A drawback was he could feel the acid wear on her teeth from a combo of binge drinking and purging, but he got used to it. God, she was a beauty. Her skin had a goregous gray sheen to it, with red marks when she had dug at imaginary bugs. Joey had always reckoned it was from her rather hardcore meth addiction. He giggled thinking about it. What that little lady would do to keep her figure! Plus, her blonde hair was always matted with his jizz and little chunks of vomit, which consisted mostly of ramen and bile. She had a great set of eyes, sunk in to her oblivious face, with exotic magenta circles around them. One thing he had always found cute about her was the fact that she'd always wear the same set of clothes for a week at a time. Ah, his crazy little lady!

But his true gem, his obsession, his flame was the extravagent miss Michelle. He knew she was the one the moment he laid eyes on her. He dreamed of taking her as a bride someday. He sighed, as that date drew nearer. Her tenth birthday. Sill, he was going to marry her if that was the last thing he ever did. Her good looks were stunning! She had a great big wide nose, just the right fit for his dick to pump in. Her glaring, glazed over eyes warmed his heart. But her charm was her personality. The magic way she used the fish bowl as her toilet was an undeniably hot trait. She used the prized koi to wipe, until Joey came and helped with his toungue. She knew hot to get what she wanted!

All these thoughts were giving him quite the stiffy. Sadly, he didn't have the time to wank off. He had to tell Gia he was off to fight the hoard! He finally got to his room. He didn't plan on seeing Vicky with an incriminating condom in her hand.

"Joey," she said, voice shaking. "It's ok. We want to help you. We want to get you the help you need. You know it's not right what you've been doing to the kids and their friends. But you can stop if you try." She pleaded with him.

He laughed darkly. "You pathetic cunt! I should have known you wouldn't have ever gotten it. This is my kingdom." He made a sweeping gesture to the room adorned with Ranger Joey posters. Vicky picked up a loose box of Trix lying around. "This...this is filthy! You can't live like this!" She reached inside, only to find a Beretta.

"PUT THAT DOWN, BITCH! If your hands aren't on Danny's dick or in your pussy, they're on something that doesn't belong to you."

"You'd really be one to talk. I don't think Gia's anus belongs to you, but you poured hot Easy Bake Oven mix down her anal cleft like it did." She responed.

"Very funny, bitch. VERY FUNNY!" He grabbed his pocket knife and threw it directly in her throat. He watched with glee as she coughed up ruby red blood, until she lay silently on the floor. "Motherfuckers never respect my Easy Bake parties." CRASH! A deafining knock hit his door.

"This is Inspector GilsCarbo, OPEN UP!"


End file.
